The esteemed Mr. Hoagland, it seems, found a loophole in Olympic guidelines and managed to enter himself into the Olympics, representing "Cydonia".

And, sadly, RCH has no discernable athletic ability at all. So it was a disaster in the making when he entered the speed skating competition.

The bad news was that Hoagland came in dead last with an Olympic record worst time ever. The good news was that he was awarded the "Thanks for Coming" Bouquet, which he promptly declared as a victory for Cydonia.