Meanwhile, in esoteric circles, outrage and cries of a cover-up filled the air as the cast list was announced. My paranormal sources inform me that none other than George "The Noor" Noory was slated to be one of the "stars" dancing each week for America's love.

My reality TV insider friends tell me that The Noor visit to DWTS was short and bizarre. Rumours persist that he demanded to perform his signature dance, a Macarena / Worm combination known as "El Nooro." Other backstage drama included a diva-esque cat fight, at the craft services table no less, with former tennis great Monica Seles and Noory's constant insistance that his costume "needed more rhinestones."

Ultimately, the DWTS execs decided to go in safer, less esoteric, route and somehow managed to unearth '80's film superstar Steve Guttenberg to take The Noor's place.