It's been a rather depressing two weeks of news with both Terri Schiavo and then the Pope dying. That said, I've been spiffy, thanks for asking. For those of you wondering, Wrestlemania was spectacular, save for some stressful moments with my cable company prior to the event.
I've only got one Pope story for y'all, later on down the line, and still no Schiavo coverage. Lots of the strange and unusual and plenty to make you think.
Meanwhile, I am pleased to announce that there has been a change in the much maligned "Noory Stories" section of News Watch. It is now "The Noory Story Showdown" a full-on competition to determine the best, complete with a real prize ! More details in "The Noory Story Showdown", later in the report.
All the usual stuff, without getting dirty fingers from reading the paper, it's News Watch : Hot 5 Stories of the Week
1>Red Falls Out of Favor As Teacher's Choice (AP via myway.com)
http://apnews.myway.com/article/20050403/D8982HU80.html
Of all the whiney, toe-stubbing garbage, this takes the cake. Apparently, the children of America are too sensitive to be graded with red ink. Seriously. The teachers and educators tried to explain to them that it is a non-issue, but as is the case throughout public education today, the inmates are running the asylum and, thusly, red is out.
In its place ? Purple. How lame. Just another sign of our failure to properly discipline the youth. Red means wrong. Purple means "nice try". Spare the rod and spoil the child, I say.
Parents objected. Red writing, they said, was "stressful." The principal said teachers were just giving constructive advice and the color of ink used to convey that message should not matter. But some parents could not let it go.
So the school put red on the blacklist. 2>NASA late in supplying shuttle paperwork (AP via CNN)
http://www.cnn.com/2005/TECH/space/04/01/shuttle.paperwork.ap/index.html
Let's face it. It's become a standard. I really ought to dub "Hot Story #2" to be "Another NASA screw-up". This week, NASA has failed to get its paperwork in order for a taskforce overseeing the next Shuttle launch. You know, that shuttle launch we've been waiting 2 years for.
Don't expect NASA to launch in May, as we've been told time and time again by NASA fanboys and space junkies the world over. No, no, expect the launch in mid-to-late Summer. Oh, NASA, you've done it again !
A top shuttle official said Friday that it is taking the space agency longer than expected to put together all of the necessary paperwork and documentation, and to complete all the final reviews on the design changes and other improvements made to the shuttle in the wake of the 2003 catastrophe. ...
NASA continues to aim for a May 15 launch of Discovery, but the chances that the space agency can meet that date are slipping because of the paperwork delay and the many postponements in getting the shuttle to the pad.
3>Wis. Wheelchair Pageant Winner Loses Crown (AP via myway.com)
http://apnews.myway.com/article/20050401/D896SI4O0.html
Perhaps the best story ever to make it to News Watch. Who knew there was a Ms.Wheelchair Wisconsin ? Not me. But at least two people did, this year's winner and the runner-up. The strangeness of the award is not really news though, as I applaud all forms of expression by the handicapable.
What is news is the scandal that has erupted throughout the halls of Ms.Wheelchair America, when they learned of a picture in the local Wisconsin media of Ms.Wheelchair Wisconsin ... standing out of her wheelchair ! "Heresy !", they cried. This clear violation of rules demanded action and, thankfully, someone stepped in.
Ms. Wheelchair Wisconsin has been stripped of her title because pageant officials say she can stand - and point to a newspaper picture as proof.
Janeal Lee, who has muscular dystrophy and uses a scooter, was snapped by The Post-Crescent newspaper standing among her high school math students.
4>Embalmer waits for call from Vatican after pope's death (AFP via Yahoo)
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=1516&ncid=1516&e=3&u=/afp/20050403/od_afp/vaticanpopeembalm_050403051102
Much like any small town or villa, there is one man or family who performs each job. One clan may be all haberdashers while another may be all dentists. In keeping with such quaint traditions, one family in the Vatican are all undertakers.
And it is the proverbial "Super Bowl of Undertaking" as they gear up to slice up a piece of the papacy soon with the passing of Pope John Paul II. From father to son, they hand down the scalpel and embalming fluid. A tradition as noteworthy as the changing of the papal leadership, okay not really, but it's creepy and strange and befitting of our weekly jaunt through the news.
The Signoracci family's technique obviously works. Corriere della Sera said that when John XXIII's body was exhumed in 2001 in order to be transferred to the basilica, it was found to be in excellent condition.
That, at least, was better than the case in 1958, when the stench from the body of Pope Pius XII reportedly caused several cardinals to faint.
5>Vegas gossip writer says Rose slapped him (NBCsports.com via badjocks.com)
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7339081
I don't know whether I love or hate Pete Rose, but I do enjoy his antics. The WWE Hall of Famer (Celebrity Wing) and baseball icon is known for his outlandish temper. So when he felt besmirched by some chump Vegas sportswriter.
Sadly, said chump Vegas sportswriter has known Rose for 30 plus years. And, he called Pete Rose a "bad tipper" in his book, which caused Rose's insane outburst. Sounds like Mr.Rose is losing it. Say what you want about the gambling, slap happy Pete Rose, I'm fairly certain he never used steroids to cheat to win baseball. Kudos to you, sir.
All-time baseball hits leader Pete Rose slapped gossip columnist Norm Clarke in the face in a restaurant on Saturday, the Las Vegas Review Journal writer wrote in his newspaper, according to the New York Post. ...
"I got up from the table to say hello. He walked up and (slapped me)," Clarke wrote. "You said I don't tip," Rose told Clarke. "You made me the No. 5 worst tipper."
Future News Now
Volunteers report first group of illegal immigrants(AP via CNN.com)
http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/04/03/border.volunteers.ap/index.html
If you are a student of esoterica, you must be familiar with the Minuteman Project by now. "Real patriots" to some, "gun toting rednecks" to others, the Minuteman Project is a group of volunteers who patrol the US / Mexico border ... you know, like our government is supposed to do. Meanwhile, George Bush has come out against the Minuteman Project, calling them "vigilantes".
A quick prediction : The Minuteman Project will become national news at some point in 2005. That CNN is reporting on them alone is a more newsworthy than the news that they spotted their first group of illegals. Expect this to simmer for a while and come to a full-fledged "Schiavo-esque" media bonanza. The result of which is some new laws that end up making our border more porous. You heard it here first.
Minuteman volunteers planned to start regular patrols Monday, fanning out across 23 miles of the San Pedro Valley to watch the border and report any illegal activity to federal agents. It's an exercise some law enforcement authorities and others fear could lead to vigilante violence.
The Noory Story Showdown
As promised last week, I spent much of this past week going over the various editions of News Watch and tallying those who scored in Noory Stories. I'm proud to announce the beginning of an all-new competition ... The Noory Story Showdown.
The Rules : Score 1 point for posting a news story that gets read by Noory or Art Bell on the show. If you are not credited by me in News Watch, YOU are responsible for letting me know that I missed it. You can ONLY post your news stories in either the Streamlink message board "Current Events" folder or the U.S. of E. message board "Current Events" folder (News Stories posted in individual episode folders or "Anything Goes" do not count) The WINNER is the person with the most Noory Story points (cumulative) in the July 4th Edition of News Watch. Subsequently, there will be a 2nd competition for the 2nd half of 2005, culminating on 1.2.2006. The 1st PRIZE is a $40 dollar shopping spree @ the official binnallofamerica.com store. Any questions / comments can be sent to tbinnall@hotmail.com This contest is REAL. No wagering, please.
This Week's Point Getters : Raven scores with breaking the news that Terri Schiavo had died over on the USofE board. Templar scores again with the "Koran predicts end of US in 2007" story that Noory dealt with last week (posted @ Streamlink). To the best of my knowledge, no other scorers this week, though, as always, I am open to challenges in that regard. Kudos to our 2 scorers this week.
Current Standings as of 4.4.5 Jackson Schmackson When we last left off, the King of Pop was waiting with baited breath to find out whether or not his trial would include past accusations from young boys. Your fearless correspondant declared that whichever way it went, would spell 10 points in the Jackson Scale. As you'll see by this week's JS, ol' MJ is in trouble.
After the crippling decision on Monday, the trial was filled with also-rans, including a flight attendant who once served Jackson wine in a cola can and also called the accuser "rude". There was the shrink who said that false accusations by young boys the age of the accuser are rarely made up. It seems like the prosecution brings out "round 2" on Monday with the first of many of Jackson's former accusers.
As noted last week in a NW post-script, the addition of all this new material means a much lengthier trial, with some "experts" saying as much as 90 days. Insiders suggest that the many who will come forward to testify against Jackson will thoroughly ruin him in the eyes of the jury, while others suggest that there will be plenty of yokels who will shoot themselves in the foot upon taking the stand.
Otherwise it was a pretty slow week on Planet Jackson. The combination of Terri Schiavo and the Pope knocked Jackson to third-tier on most news cycles. That said, for the first time since the trial began, Jackson is taking a beating and the momentum has clearly shifted to the prosecution's side. Whether the defense can fend them off is yet to be seen.
The Jackson Scale : 80 (Last Week : 67)
Comment : Prior accusations added 10 points. Meanwhile, damning evidence accumulating from random witnesses adds another 3.
A scale of 1 to 100, with 100 being nearly certain, I will deduce the odds of Jackson being found guilty and going to jail. This is not an opinion of his guilt, just a barometer of the potential outcome of the trial.
Editorial
The New Pope : A Chance for Change
With our dear, beloved Pope John Paul II lying in state, it is time to turn our eyes towards who will succeed him as the new pontiff. It is no secret that the American church is in shambles, rocked by the scandals that plagued it for much of the last decade. Meanwhile, the rest of the Catholic world has its share of problems as well.
There have been some outside the mainstream who suggested there is deep infiltration of evil in the Vatican. Malachai Martin alleged this on numerous occasions and many allege that his outspoken nature let to his untimely death. How much sway the forces of evil have in the Vatican may be on display when the process of choosing a new pope concludes.
My religious advisor, Joe Vee, informs me that there will never be an American Pope. The folks at CNN list eleven potential Popes, a precious few I have heard of. Experts suggest that the Pope will be from Latin America, based on the number of voters. The entire process is so complicated I'm getting off on a tangent just trying to get to my ultimate prediction for the next Pope.
I'll go out on a limb here and proclaim Cardinal Francis Arinze to be the next Pope. I find him most aesthetically pleasing amongst the potential new Popes, a cross between Nelson Mandella and Morgan Freeman. I am afraid that some of less enlightened members of the Catholic Church will not allow a black pope. I, however, think it is time for just such a change.
A brief description of your new Pope from CNN : "He has been instrumental in the Vatican's dialogue with Hindus, Muslims and Buddhists. His theological positions range from moderate to conservative, and he has attracted attention for his blunt comments. "
The Catholic Church needs a strong leader who knows when to put his foot down and take a stand. It also needs someone with the necessary charisma to capture the attention of the many within and outside the flock. Now is the best time to do it, as the public is in full on Pope-mode and the acsension of "yet another white guy" may cause them to turn away in boredom. End Notes
That just about does it for this week's News Watch. I'll be interested in hearing the readership's thoughts on "The Noory Story Showdown". Good luck to all competitors.
Meanwhile, over @ binnallofamerica.com, an in-depth look @ the death of The Pope, as only I can cover it. Lengthy quotes from Fr.Wingate on last Friday's show that are hilarious in retrospect and a "psychic scorecard" from our friend Aspie @ True or False. Also, on Tuesday, look for my thoughts on the X-Conference "Meet the Speaker's Cocktail Party" from someone who was in attendence at last year's party : me. "Ghost Files", "Hot Newz", "Hoags to Hoags AM", it's all there.
Till next week, when we do it all again, be safe, be real, and be prepared.